WIND-UP
RACING GRANNIES

To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing to complain about a product on your stupid website. I probably don't have to name it, as I'm sure you've received tons of letters such as this one. But just in case you need to be "clued in," the product is the Wind-Up Racing Grannies.

Why would you sell such a toy? Can you possibly be THAT insensitive?! It would be bad enough if you were selling just ONE wind-up senior citizen. But you have the audacity to sell a PAIR of Grannies so you can.... I can barely bring myself to say it... RACE THEM!!!?

Do you really think this is amusing -- Forcing these elderly ladies to compete against one another as if they were greyhounds or horses? Don't you feel the least bit guilty when you wind them up and watch them hobble around on your desk?  I suppose you heartless idiots are laughing it up, placing bets on which Granny will win and which will tip over in disgrace. 

And those drooping breasts and WALKERS! Have you no decency!?

I don't expect you to stop selling them, as I'm sure there are LOADS of other twisted people out there who are amused by such a sadistic toy. All I can say is, "Go on, laugh it up." If Hell has a special section for novelty retailers, I'm sure there's a deep pit reserved just for you, you sick bastards!" 

Sincerely,
Anonymous