Docket #23VB55-W99622bThe State of New York vs Stupid.com OFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT ATTORNEY: Can you state your name and title for the court, please. MR. STUPID: Gary Apple. I'm the President --- Not of the United States.Just Stupid.com. ATTORNEY: And you also go under the name... Mr. Stupid? MR. STUPID: Uh, huh. ATTORNEY: So tell the court... Mr. Stupid... Just when did you begin selling Instant Irish Accent Mouth Spray? MR. STUPID: In February of 2005. ATTORNEY: Were you aware at the time that the product did not actually work? MR. STUPID: It didn't? ATTORNEY: You mean you didn't even TRY a product you're selling? MR. STUPID: Someone sells Electric Chairs. Do you think they try them? ATTORNEY: Judge, please note that Mr. Stupid is a hostile witness. MR. STUPID: Say that again and I'll kill you! ATTORNEY: Since you didn't try the Instant Irish Accent spray, what made you think it would work? MR. STUPID: It says so on the label. ATTORNEY: Do you believe everything you read? MR. STUPID: Not everything. For instance, I read your resume. ATTORNEY: Perhaps you'd like to try some of your Irish Accent spray to see the kind of misleading products you sell. MR. STUPID: Okay, I'll try it... Mmmmm, it's very tasty. ATTORNEY: Taste is not the issue here. You claim that... MR. STUPID: Faith and Begorrah! May the shamrocks always shine on your shaleleigh! ATTORNEY: Judge, I object! The defendant is clearly faking it! MR. STUPID: As sure as yer wife did last night, laddy! Pour me a Guinness and call me Seamus! ATTORNEY: Your honor, Mr. Stupid is pretending to be a dumb drunk Irishman. JUDGE O'GRADY: Begorrah, you say? A dumb drunk Irishman, is it now? Case dismissed! Come with me, Mr. Stupid, and I'll buy ya' a pint at the pub. |