Docket #23VB55-W99622b

The State of New York
vs Stupid.com

OFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT

ATTORNEY: Can you state your name and title for the court, please.

MR. STUPID: Gary Apple. I'm the President --- Not of the United States.Just Stupid.com.

ATTORNEY: And you also go under the name... Mr. Stupid?

MR. STUPID: Uh, huh.

ATTORNEY:  So tell the court... Mr. Stupid... Just when did you begin selling Instant Irish Accent Mouth Spray?

MR. STUPID: In February of 2005.

ATTORNEY: Were you aware at the time that the product did not actually work?

MR. STUPID: It didn't?

ATTORNEY: You mean you didn't even TRY a product you're selling?

MR. STUPID: Someone sells Electric Chairs. Do you think they try them?

ATTORNEY: Judge, please note that Mr. Stupid is a hostile witness.

MR. STUPID: Say that again and I'll kill you!

ATTORNEY: Since you didn't try the Instant Irish Accent spray, what made you think it would work?

MR. STUPID: It says so on the label.

ATTORNEY: Do you believe everything you read?

MR. STUPID: Not everything. For instance, I read your resume. 

ATTORNEY: Perhaps you'd like to try some of your Irish Accent spray to see the kind of misleading products you sell.

MR. STUPID: Okay, I'll try it... Mmmmm, it's very tasty.

ATTORNEY: Taste is not the issue here. You claim that...

MR. STUPID: Faith and Begorrah! May the shamrocks always shine on your shaleleigh!

ATTORNEY: Judge, I object! The defendant is clearly faking it!

MR. STUPID:  As sure as yer wife did last night, laddy! Pour me a Guinness and call me Seamus!

ATTORNEY: Your honor, Mr. Stupid is pretending to be a dumb drunk Irishman.

JUDGE O'GRADY:  Begorrah, you say? A dumb drunk Irishman, is it now? Case dismissed! Come with me, Mr. Stupid, and I'll buy ya' a pint at the pub.