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| Mr. Stupid Writes:
There's really no reason to own a purse that looks like a giant can of Pepsi Cola. Yet, my job is to try to convince you otherwise. It's an unrewarding job... but as the saying goes, someone has to do it. As I write the following ad copy, I will provide you with translations in brackets so you'll really know what is going on. Hey, gals! Want to be the center of attention? [Translation: Do you want everyone to stare at you like you're out of your mind?] Well, here's a rare chance to own a stunning new fashion accessory! [Translation: Stunning, in that people will be stunned to see you have such weird taste in pocketbooks.] The Pepsi Purse looks like a huge can of Pepsi Cola, and is even made of metal, just like a real can. [And should be thrown out, just like a real can.] It has a durable hinged lid and a stainless steel clasp. [It opens and closes. Duh.] It measures about 8-inches long, and the adjustable, striking red shoulder strap completes the ensemble. [Duh, again. Without a strap you'd had to jam it under your armpit.] The Pepsi Purse is as much a work of Pop Art as it is an attractive purse. [It's as much a pogo stick as it is a porcupine.... What is this guy talking about?] Wherever you go, people will comment on your unique purse. [Yeah, expect things like, "Hey soda girl, Dr. Pepper called to say he'll be late."] As an added bonus, the Pepsi Purse comes filled with 4-ounces of cherry-flavored candy! [Obviously, they anticipated trouble selling this purse, so threw in some candy to sweeten the deal. Literally.] If you're looking for the perfect gift for that special lady, you can't go wrong with the Pepsi Purse! [Oh, you can go wrong. You can go very, very wrong.] |
