Miss Army Knife

A great woman once said, "Love is a battlefield." And she couldn't be more right.

It's a tough world out there... between dating, and work, and dating, and errands, and dating... life can eat you alive. To compete in the real world, you gotta be equipped.

And that's where the Miss Army Knife comes in.

It's a complete field artillery kit that looks like an innocent Swiss Army Knife. But it contains everything you need to survive rough terrain or rough dates.

The Miss Army Knife opens every which way and includes the following indispensable tools...

flashlight
perfume bottle
keychain bottle opener
needle & thread
screwdriver
safety pin
scissors
ruler
mirror
nail file
pen
pill box
tweezers
knife

It's brilliantly designed and built to last. The uses are endless -- use the knife to carve your lover's initials on a fence post. Use the nail file to file it away once you dump him. Use the perfume bottle to attract a replacement. Use the flashlight to show him the door when you dump him. About the only thing you can't do with it is use the needle & thread to mend your broken heart.

The Miss Army Knife makes a wonderful and thoughtful gift, which makes us wonder what it's doing on this stupid website.